Sunday, October 10, 2010
Now I am free...
We are victims of the rules we live by. I don't do that, I will never talk to that person, I can't go that way, I hate doing that, I cannot stand those people, I am so much better, my religion doesn't allow that, I do it this way, I I I, it's so limiting to think and feel that way. The only rule we should follow is what comes from our hearts, and not worry so much on how society will perceive our actions, our feelings, etc. I have worried so much on what people will think of me for so long now, because if I had my way I would do things differently, but I was so worried and so attached to that feeling, and that little voice saying well won't they think you are out of your mind, who the hell is going to think that? People are worried about their survival, their struggles and their successes. Girl, ain't nobody worrying about if your ass is crazy or normal etc. It's absolutely in my head I know, but it just feels so real sometimes, and why do I focus so much on what people will think of me to a point of being crippled by the thought of even trying something new. Sometimes, not to seem crazy I'll make a joke about it, like yeah I'm taking that class or I'm going here, but why should I be embarrassed by my curiousity? I love learning about new things, even if I don't master them, I know I tried it. For example, I take quitar lessons, sewing lessons, etc not because I want to be a rockstar and fashion designer but because I just wanted to know how to do that so I took lessons. I love learning and finding out things and figuring out things and I'll just let my curiousity about life take me, lead me and guide me, no longer will I be lead, guided and taken by my fears of what I'll be perceived like.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Make my grandmother proud...
My mom was talking about how she grew up, and how my grandmother emphasized education to my mom and her sisters. She made sure everyone went to the best schools, I remember when we started school, we went to live with her because she wanted to make sure we had the best education. When I was in first grade, she was learning how to read and write, and she had a bunch of women from the neighborhood taught life skills so they wouldn't have to depend on their husbands 100%. Growing up my grandmother, because she was a girl she didn't go to school, while her brothers went to school and become professionals, my grandmother and her sisters didn't because it was just assumed they would get married. She was married ofcourse, but her husband had 14 other wives, and when he died, she had to start all over because she only had daughters so she didn't inherit anything. I think that's why it was really important for her for us to have the best education.
When my mom when was telling the story I felt bad for not pushing myself academically, I always settled for good enough, I was capable of more, but I never pushed myself. The whole day I just felt bad and quilty especially, I felt like why didn't I just go to Yale, but I think I missed the point, I think the point of my grandmother working so hard for us to get a good education wasn't because she wanted us to be doctors, etc specifically, but I think she wanted us to get an equal chance of making it, and education is the best tool to have under your belt.
The next day, I spoke to one of my friends, he's one of those people who inspire you do better, because he's been through so much, but he works really hard and I see how his hard work pays off. I want to make my grandmother very proud of me, in anything I do, I want to do it the best way I know how, and to make sure I inspire someone along the way the way she did to me, and the rest of my family.
When my mom when was telling the story I felt bad for not pushing myself academically, I always settled for good enough, I was capable of more, but I never pushed myself. The whole day I just felt bad and quilty especially, I felt like why didn't I just go to Yale, but I think I missed the point, I think the point of my grandmother working so hard for us to get a good education wasn't because she wanted us to be doctors, etc specifically, but I think she wanted us to get an equal chance of making it, and education is the best tool to have under your belt.
The next day, I spoke to one of my friends, he's one of those people who inspire you do better, because he's been through so much, but he works really hard and I see how his hard work pays off. I want to make my grandmother very proud of me, in anything I do, I want to do it the best way I know how, and to make sure I inspire someone along the way the way she did to me, and the rest of my family.
Monday, October 4, 2010
...Just Be
I learn everyday, sometimes it's easy and sometimes I learn the hard way. One of the most important lessons I have learned is to just be myself. I always worried about fitting in or not standing out, I just wanted to just blend in, didn't want anyone to notice me, this way noone would look at my flaws, my imperfections. It's funny because I thought I am alone in that world, where you feel inadequate and powerless with your life, and I made my decisions based on that mentality especially in my younger years in High school, What would I tell that girl in high school who felt so out of place that she literally silenced herself and stayed on the corner because she felt she wasn't enough? I focused too much on what everyone would think of me, I didn't consider what I thought, I just thought well, whatever I think isn't right, or whatever I like is not ok, so I didn't listen to my heart, my instincts, I was too busy pleasing the world, I never even considered what God thought, I just felt so far away from God, even though I went to church, I never really had a personal relationship with God, If only I knew God was in me, he's with me always, and whatever made me happy would make him happy. Maybe another reason was I just wasn't conscious enough, about the world around me, I didn't know why I was here, or what I was supposed to do with my life, I just went with the flow, I was not conscious at all, I never thought, it's weird I never put God and life together, they were separate entinties as far I was concerned, I saw life as this this place, where everyone was supposed to act a certain way in order to fit in, and I was supposed to act a certain way to please God, "act" ! The God I know doesn't want me to act, he wants me to be the best me I can be, God doesn't even care or worry about my insecurities. Little did I know, if part of God then I am perfect, we all are, our actions and our humanity are different, I'm a human being who make mistakes, I'm not a mistake because I'm a human being. So I would tell that high school girl, who wouldn't even go to the prom because she felt so ugly and undeserving, that she was and all she had to do was be the best she could be period.
Friday, October 1, 2010
...FAITH
Doubt is my close friend I want to get rid off, procastination is my bestest friend, and she knows I cling to her like that damb us denial, they love that I depend on them all the time, anytime I want to leave them they hug me a bit tighter, love me a little more, but I don't want or need their love. I want to be close to faith, courage and willpower, they are good friends to have, they will push me to no end. My dreams are too big for me to wait around for doubt, procastination and denial to love me back, I realize they will never love me back anyway. I am moving on to big and better things, and that is courage, willpower and faith, I know they will love me unconditionally, they will, I love them already and I'm ready to take them in and have them in my life.
I always have ideas, I should do this I should do that but never really get to it because of my fears of embarrasing myself, thinking my ideas are not good enough, people will think it's absolutely stupid, I'm not capable enough to actually execute my ideas properly, the list goes on and on. For example I wanted to have a blog for the longest time, but I thought, no one is going to read it, what do I have to say that people will respond to. One day I just decided you know what I'm going to write on a blog anyway, whether I read it to myself or 10 people to 100 people read it, at least I won't have that nagging feeling of shoulda coulda woulda.
After I wrote that, I saw this article and I thought how appropriate...
How to Have Unwavering Faith in your Own Ideas
Written by Christine Kane
Have you ever said something like this to a friend…
“Okay – I have this idea. Here’s the deal…
[You then spend a good three minutes explaining your idea for a direction you want to go in – or a business you want to start - and then you finish the whole thing off by asking,]
“…Is that a good idea? Or am I just, like, COMPLETELY insane, totally freakin’ NUTS?”
So, let’s talk about this little habit for a moment, okay?
Here’s why.
Because #1: The IDEA is not the problem.
And #2: YOU are!
If you recognize yourself in that above example, it’s okay. But I want you to understand the REAL ISSUE.
The real issue is not about the idea. The real issue is about DOING IT. And the even realer issue is about fear. As Seth Godin so aptly states: “There isn’t a shortage of ideas. There’s a shortage of execution.”
So here’s a few simple ways to begin creating unwavering faith behind your ideas – so you can (gasp!) DO something about them.
1. Consider HOW you share your ideas.
Okay – let’s just SAY that you’re sharing your idea with a friend. And let’s just say that you do it with the self-deprecating “finisher.” (ie, “…or am I just an idiot”, “…or is that the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard?”, “…or does that idea just totally suck?”)
I call this the “smoke and mirrors” approach to sharing an idea. The share-ee, rather than getting to jump in and help you with your idea – now has to deal with the QUESTION you’ve presented – which is dramatic, self-defacing, and has absolutely nothing at all to do with your idea.
Imagine you’re sitting in front of Donald Trump, and he’s considering investing in your idea, your business, or your art. Would he even give you a second of his time if you closed with one of your self-deprecating questions?
No way!
Your friend has the same dilemma.
When it comes right down to it, people read your energy MORE THAN they absorb your idea. If your energy is all over the place, it’ll be hard for them to take your idea seriously.
2 – “Procrastination-by-Inquiry.”
One night I caught an MTV video with a cool-dude electric guitar player surrounded by women clad in nothing but plastic thongs. It gave me an idea for a song.
Rather than pick up my guitar and begin writing, I did the next best thing. I waited!
Then I waited some more!
Then I called my friend Kathy. I explained about the video and about my idea for the song – and then began a long litany of reasons my idea was so boring, and did she think it was a stupid idea, and should I just give up on everything in my life?
After a long pause, Kathy said, “I’ll tell you what Christine. You write the song. Then we’ll decide if it’s good.”
Face it. There’s absolutely NO way to know if an idea is going to be “a good idea.” In fact, there’s at least 10 good reasons it’s NOT going to work. Asking people about your idea is often just “Procrastination-by-Inquiry.” You aren’t going to know if it’s good until you start DOING something about it.
(By the way, that song I mentioned became my most requested song ever.)
3 – Be careful WHO you share your idea with
I’m guessing there’s probably about five people in your life with one common trait:
They’re the WORST people you could EVER share a new idea with. They’ll trample all over it. They’ll tell you it’s a terrible idea – and yes you ARE, in fact, insane.
So, then, why are we compelled to share our ideas with these five folks?
Well, the truth is: they provide an amazing service. In fact, we secretly LOVE these people and how they trash our ideas with bone-chilling sarcasm.
Why?
Because then we never have to do anything about them! We don’t have to take action. After all, if Uncle Richie says that your idea for a vegetarian catering service stinks – then hey, good news! You don’t have to face your fears! Now you get to head home and dive headlong into a bag of Cheeto’s and watch reruns of The Biggest Loser on the Lifestyle channel! Woohoo!
Do yourself a favor. For the sake of your spirit and your ability to take action – be mindful of who gets to hear about ANY of your ideas.
4 – The most crucial question of all.
Here’s a question that will end all questioning, all excuses, and will make you the most productive kid on your block.
“What is the very next step I need to take?”
When I knew I wanted to be a songwriter, I bought a new guitar. Then I signed up for lessons. Then I’d sit in my Georgetown apartment and learn riffs while a metronome ticked along in the background.
At no time, during the implementing of these steps could anyone say to me: “Are you INSANE?? You’re playing SCALES? Have you LOST YOUR MIND?”
No. Because I was simply taking the next step.
Here’s a secret I’ve learned about execution:
Getting an idea is step one. The rest of the steps are all about tricking your ego into shutting up so you can get stuff done. The ego would prefer it if you’d just continue getting big ideas. The ego LOVES your big ideas because then it can reach into its arsenal of big fears, big dramas and big emotional hooks – and it can MATCH your big idea. Tit for tat.
The ego doesn’t have much to say when you sit down and do some work for 30 minutes. That’s not nearly dramatic enough.
So, what’s the next step you need to take?
5 – Give it Legs.
It is said that the most successful people make decisions quickly.
Even if that doesn’t apply to every single decision, it makes perfect sense. Many of us let our emotions, our hooks, and our drama become the perfect excuse for procrastination and fear.
Wanna know the exactly how to have faith in your idea? Decide to do it.
Decision gives legs to intentions.
Make a decision. Tell someone you’re going to do it. Move forward. Then wake up tomorrow and decide again.
Anytime your faith wavers, decide again.
Anytime it wavers after that, decide again.
I always have ideas, I should do this I should do that but never really get to it because of my fears of embarrasing myself, thinking my ideas are not good enough, people will think it's absolutely stupid, I'm not capable enough to actually execute my ideas properly, the list goes on and on. For example I wanted to have a blog for the longest time, but I thought, no one is going to read it, what do I have to say that people will respond to. One day I just decided you know what I'm going to write on a blog anyway, whether I read it to myself or 10 people to 100 people read it, at least I won't have that nagging feeling of shoulda coulda woulda.
After I wrote that, I saw this article and I thought how appropriate...
How to Have Unwavering Faith in your Own Ideas
Written by Christine Kane
Have you ever said something like this to a friend…
“Okay – I have this idea. Here’s the deal…
[You then spend a good three minutes explaining your idea for a direction you want to go in – or a business you want to start - and then you finish the whole thing off by asking,]
“…Is that a good idea? Or am I just, like, COMPLETELY insane, totally freakin’ NUTS?”
So, let’s talk about this little habit for a moment, okay?
Here’s why.
Because #1: The IDEA is not the problem.
And #2: YOU are!
If you recognize yourself in that above example, it’s okay. But I want you to understand the REAL ISSUE.
The real issue is not about the idea. The real issue is about DOING IT. And the even realer issue is about fear. As Seth Godin so aptly states: “There isn’t a shortage of ideas. There’s a shortage of execution.”
So here’s a few simple ways to begin creating unwavering faith behind your ideas – so you can (gasp!) DO something about them.
1. Consider HOW you share your ideas.
Okay – let’s just SAY that you’re sharing your idea with a friend. And let’s just say that you do it with the self-deprecating “finisher.” (ie, “…or am I just an idiot”, “…or is that the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard?”, “…or does that idea just totally suck?”)
I call this the “smoke and mirrors” approach to sharing an idea. The share-ee, rather than getting to jump in and help you with your idea – now has to deal with the QUESTION you’ve presented – which is dramatic, self-defacing, and has absolutely nothing at all to do with your idea.
Imagine you’re sitting in front of Donald Trump, and he’s considering investing in your idea, your business, or your art. Would he even give you a second of his time if you closed with one of your self-deprecating questions?
No way!
Your friend has the same dilemma.
When it comes right down to it, people read your energy MORE THAN they absorb your idea. If your energy is all over the place, it’ll be hard for them to take your idea seriously.
2 – “Procrastination-by-Inquiry.”
One night I caught an MTV video with a cool-dude electric guitar player surrounded by women clad in nothing but plastic thongs. It gave me an idea for a song.
Rather than pick up my guitar and begin writing, I did the next best thing. I waited!
Then I waited some more!
Then I called my friend Kathy. I explained about the video and about my idea for the song – and then began a long litany of reasons my idea was so boring, and did she think it was a stupid idea, and should I just give up on everything in my life?
After a long pause, Kathy said, “I’ll tell you what Christine. You write the song. Then we’ll decide if it’s good.”
Face it. There’s absolutely NO way to know if an idea is going to be “a good idea.” In fact, there’s at least 10 good reasons it’s NOT going to work. Asking people about your idea is often just “Procrastination-by-Inquiry.” You aren’t going to know if it’s good until you start DOING something about it.
(By the way, that song I mentioned became my most requested song ever.)
3 – Be careful WHO you share your idea with
I’m guessing there’s probably about five people in your life with one common trait:
They’re the WORST people you could EVER share a new idea with. They’ll trample all over it. They’ll tell you it’s a terrible idea – and yes you ARE, in fact, insane.
So, then, why are we compelled to share our ideas with these five folks?
Well, the truth is: they provide an amazing service. In fact, we secretly LOVE these people and how they trash our ideas with bone-chilling sarcasm.
Why?
Because then we never have to do anything about them! We don’t have to take action. After all, if Uncle Richie says that your idea for a vegetarian catering service stinks – then hey, good news! You don’t have to face your fears! Now you get to head home and dive headlong into a bag of Cheeto’s and watch reruns of The Biggest Loser on the Lifestyle channel! Woohoo!
Do yourself a favor. For the sake of your spirit and your ability to take action – be mindful of who gets to hear about ANY of your ideas.
4 – The most crucial question of all.
Here’s a question that will end all questioning, all excuses, and will make you the most productive kid on your block.
“What is the very next step I need to take?”
When I knew I wanted to be a songwriter, I bought a new guitar. Then I signed up for lessons. Then I’d sit in my Georgetown apartment and learn riffs while a metronome ticked along in the background.
At no time, during the implementing of these steps could anyone say to me: “Are you INSANE?? You’re playing SCALES? Have you LOST YOUR MIND?”
No. Because I was simply taking the next step.
Here’s a secret I’ve learned about execution:
Getting an idea is step one. The rest of the steps are all about tricking your ego into shutting up so you can get stuff done. The ego would prefer it if you’d just continue getting big ideas. The ego LOVES your big ideas because then it can reach into its arsenal of big fears, big dramas and big emotional hooks – and it can MATCH your big idea. Tit for tat.
The ego doesn’t have much to say when you sit down and do some work for 30 minutes. That’s not nearly dramatic enough.
So, what’s the next step you need to take?
5 – Give it Legs.
It is said that the most successful people make decisions quickly.
Even if that doesn’t apply to every single decision, it makes perfect sense. Many of us let our emotions, our hooks, and our drama become the perfect excuse for procrastination and fear.
Wanna know the exactly how to have faith in your idea? Decide to do it.
Decision gives legs to intentions.
Make a decision. Tell someone you’re going to do it. Move forward. Then wake up tomorrow and decide again.
Anytime your faith wavers, decide again.
Anytime it wavers after that, decide again.
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